What Is FOMO?
FOMO, or the fear of missing out, is the fear or belief (often triggered by social media) that other people are having more fun, success, love, money, or other enjoyable things compared to you. You may believe they’re having more experiences than you are or just living a better life overall.
Key parts of FOMO include the feeling of sadness, anxiety, shame, or not feeling “good enough.” It could be that you’re sad or ashamed that you weren’t invited to an event. But it also may be that you’re overcome with the fear, stress, or regret that you’re not doing enough with your life. What you’re afraid of missing out on is the fabulous life that it seems like everyone else is having.
Other acronyms
FOMO isn’t the only social media-inspired emotion people may feel when they see other people’s lives on their phone screens.
Here are a few others you might have heard of:
JOMO. This is the joy of missing out. The opposite of FOMO, it’s the freedom and happiness you get from doing whatever you want without concern for what other people are doing somewhere else. You might have even been invited to do those other things, and you feel free or empowered by your choice to sit those activities out.
ROMO. The internet is divided on the meaning of ROMO. It’s been spelled out as both “relief of missing out” and “reality of missing out.”
The relief of missing out, a close relative of JOMO, refers more to the news cycle than your social media feed. It’s about actively cutting yourself off from the daily flood of news and information in the name of self-care and mental health.
The reality of missing out seems to have made its online debut in 2020, during the COVID-19 pandemic, when people no longer had FOMO because there was nothing to “MO” on. So they accepted the reality that everyone was missing out on everything.
Other descriptions of ROMO have said it’s about seeing the reality of the things you’re missing out on. Meaning, what you see online never paints a full picture of what’s really happening.
MOMO. The mystery of missing out takes FOMO a step further. With FOMO, your feelings usually come from seeing other people having fun on social media. With MOMO, none of your friends are posting and this triggers fear, anxiety, or paranoia that everyone is secretly having a good time without you, while you are kept in the dark.
FOBO. The internet and social media certainly provide tons of options in various areas – whether it’s about things to do, or buy, or people to date. Fear of better options, or FOBO, is when you’re unable to make a choice because you’re afraid something (or someone!) better might come along.
FOJI. The fear of joining in is when you shy away from getting on social media in the first place because you’re afraid no one will follow you.
FOMO Causes
While the term FOMO is often used by younger groups of people, anyone can get FOMO regardless of their age.
That said, some people might be more likely than others to feel FOMO’s pull.
Who gets FOMO?
You might be more prone to feeling FOMO if you:
- Have a mental health condition, especially depression or an anxiety disorder
- Have low self-esteem
- Are a teenager or young adult
FOMO and social media
You can get FOMO in lots of different situations – both online and off. In fact, the expression wasn’t coined as a social media term. Patrick McGinnis, a Harvard business student at the time, coined the phrase to describe his own fear of missing out on anything at all in his student days. The expression was first put in print in a humor column he penned for the school newspaper Harbus.
But social media seems to be an especially potent trigger of FOMO. You can probably understand why. Before social media, you didn’t know at any given moment whether other people were having more or less fun than you. But now, you’ve got a window – a very well-curated one – into other people’s lives all day, every day.
Since social media sways us to put our best foot forward, you’re most likely only seeing the very best moments of other people’s lives. As one researcher put it, social media “creates distorted perceptions of edited lives of others.” Suddenly, your own life feels a bit bland.
For some people, FOMO is just a specific brand of anxiety. Studies show that social media and anxiety have a tight relationship. One study of young adults in the Journal of Affective Disorders found that the more time they spent on social media, the more likely they were to have symptoms of anxiety. Furthering that, a study in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking found that people who have depression or anxiety tend to spend more time on social media. The more time you spend, the more depressed or anxious you feel.
FOMO Symptoms
It’s a Sunday afternoon, and you’re stretched out on your couch scrolling through social media on your phone. It was relaxing at first, until you saw a pic of one of your friends lounging by a pool.
In the picture, her bare legs and feet – flamingo pink toenails and all – are stretched out on a lounge chair, a cold drink in the foreground, a blurred turquoise pool in the background. The caption? “Lazy Sunday.” Suddenly, your own Sunday afternoon goes from lazy to lame. You feel bummed out and even a little bit embarrassed or ashamed that you’re not up to anything at all on this lazy Sunday.
“Am I letting my life pass me by?” you ask yourself. You’ve just experienced FOMO.
While it may just look like a classic case of anxiety, there are specific ways to pinpoint if you’re feeling FOMO.
Look out for these behaviors:
- Constantly checking your phone for notifications
- Spending a lot of time on social media
- Putting social media connections ahead of your real-life relationships
These are some of the physical symptoms:
- Stomach tension, a “pit” in your stomach, or nausea
- Body aches
- Headache
- A racing heart
On the emotional side, you might have:
- Disturbing, intrusive thoughts
- Negative self-talk
How Does FOMO Affect People?
For those who’ve never been hit hard by it, FOMO may sound like a fleeting, or even petty, reaction to seeing others having fun without you. But for some people, the feelings can be intense and affect many parts of their life.
FOMO and mental health
FOMO can include constantly comparing yourself and your life to lives that you consider better than yours. This can lead to or worsen depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
People who have FOMO might also spend a lot of time on the internet and social media. They may constantly refresh their apps to check for alerts or notifications. This can make anxiety worse, too. In fact, some research suggests that social media use activates a part of the brain involved in fear – a close cousin of anxiety.
Sometimes, FOMO leads you to increase your social media use because you think you’ll relieve your FOMO by staying “connected” to people and activities online. But that may only suck you into a vicious cycle of feeding your depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
There’s also a risk that you’ll put your online relationships ahead of your in-person ones, which can make you feel lonely on top of everything else.
It’s hard to untangle the effects of FOMO from the effects of too much social media use. But it’s important to point out that while there’s no evidence that FOMO itself can increase the risk of suicide, there’s some data to suggest that those who spend more than 2 hours a day on social media may have a greater risk of suicidal thoughts.
FOMO and sleep
A few studies have found a link between FOMO and sleep troubles. Again, it’s not necessarily that FOMO directly leads to sleep troubles. It’s more likely that other issues that often go along with FOMO can keep you awake at night, such as:
- Depression-like symptoms
- Late-night smartphone use
- Worry, anxiety, or stress near bedtime
Poor sleep and depression can lure you into a vicious cycle, too. Depression can mess with sleep, and poor sleep can make symptoms of depression worse.
FOMO and thinking skills
People who have FOMO – again most likely because of its tight link to spending too much time on social media – might also struggle to think clearly and do tasks that require focus. The overuse of social networks has been connected with:
- Poor performance in school
- Short attention span
- Learning difficulties
FOMO and your physical well-being
It may not be that one is causing the other, but young adults who report high levels of FOMO are also less likely to say that they live a healthy lifestyle. The feelings that go along with FOMO, like envy and feeling excluded, seem to be tied to poor eating habits.
Too much social media use can be a symptom or a cause of an inactive lifestyle, which can lead to obesity and the many health problems that go along with it.
Spending a ton of time on your smartphone can hurt your eyesight and posture.
Depression and poor sleep can also feed into an unhealthy lifestyle that includes bad eating habits and not enough physical activity.
How to Deal With FOMO
How you deal with FOMO depends on what exactly triggers it for you. Different preventive or relief measures might work better for different people. See if any of these are helpful to you.
Identify your triggers
Is it certain people, types of social media accounts, or types of social media usage that triggers your FOMO?
Maybe you only find yourself having those bummed-out or anxious feelings when you see that one friend’s online posts – the friend that seems to always be on vacation or showing off a new outfit. It could be that specific types of social media accounts – the travel influencers or the foodies – tend to drag you down. On the other hand, maybe nothing in particular gets to you unless you scroll late at night or unless you scroll for hours on end.
Do any of these triggers sound familiar? Or did you think of your own as you read this? Write them down.
If you’re not sure of your triggers, be on the lookout. The next time that gloomy FOMO feeling washes over you, stop and take stock of what might’ve brought it on.
Set boundaries
Once you know your triggers, set limits on your social media use to help you avoid them. Here are a few ways you might do that:
- Mute or unfollow the social media accounts that make you feel bad.
- Turn off social media alerts.
- Stop using social media or your smartphone altogether an hour before bedtime and don’t reach for it if you wake during the night.
- Use apps that limit your screen time or limit when and how long you use certain apps throughout the day.
Try a digital detox
You may find that simply setting boundaries brings you a lot of relief. Or you might need to separate yourself even more from social media. In that case, consider taking a break!
When you take a break from social media, it may start to become more clear just how much FOMO, stress, and anxiety it was causing you. What was supposed to be a short break could even lead you to changing your social media habits completely.
You make the rules for your social media break or digital detox. Decide how long it’ll be and which apps and platforms will be off limits during that time.
The first thing you may notice is a lot of extra time on your hands. Use this to do the things you truly enjoy – things that don’t cause you stress, anxiety, sadness, and shame. Maybe it’s exercise, getting outside, reading a book, or connecting with people in real life.
Consider jotting down your thoughts and feelings about the detox as they come to you. Write down what you notice about how you feel now or any new insights you have about your relationship with social media.
Look inside
FOMO involves a constant focus on external things – others’ lives, other experiences, other material things – and a disregard for what’s great about you and your own life.
Try making a list of the things in your life that bring you joy, make you happy, or make you feel confident or good about yourself. Make another list of the things in your life that make you feel bad about yourself or not good enough.
This exercise might help you see which relationships and activities you should focus more on than the ones that lead to FOMO.
You might also approach this exercise as a gratitude practice. Sure, your life isn’t like those supposedly perfect lives you see online (and neither are they!), but you have a lot of great things going for you, too. Make a list of all that you are grateful for in your life.
Put it in perspective
Remind yourself, as often as you need to, that social media posts aren’t honest reflections of real lives. People post their best moments on social media. Far less often do people post the ugly stuff.
Consider a picture of a new mom in a rocker with a baby sleeping peacefully on her chest. She looks like she’s so happy and has it all under control. But what she didn’t post is a picture of the baby crying all night, which is why he’s sleeping right now. She didn’t share (thank goodness!) a picture of the baby’s diaper explosion either.
Your friend that’s always sharing pictures of trips to exotic, tropical locations doesn’t post about their mounting credit card debt from all this travel.
You get the idea: There’s a behind-the-scenes reality to every social media post you see. There are two (or more!) sides to every story.
Turn it into a mantra that you repeat to yourself if it’s helpful: This isn’t reality. This isn’t reality. This isn’t reality.
Get professional help if you need it
Some people manage and relieve FOMO on their own with some of the actions described here. But you might feel that you have no control over the FOMO – even after you’ve tried these things. Or you could feel overwhelmed and not know where to even begin when it comes to combating FOMO.
These may be signs that you could benefit from the help of a therapist. Ask your doctor for a referral.
Takeaways
- FOMO is a kind of anxiety that comes from feeling that others’ lives are better than yours or that you’re not making the most of your life.
- Anything or anyone can cause you to feel FOMO, but social media seems to be a top trigger.
- FOMO can lead to or worsen stress, loneliness, isolation, anxiety, and depression.
- You can take steps to prevent or relieve FOMO.
FOMO FAQs
Is FOMO a mental disorder?
FOMO itself is a relatively new concept, and it’s not recognized as a mental health condition. But it’s related to anxiety and depression, which can reach the level of mental disorder, depending on how severe the symptoms are.
How do you stop FOMO anxiety?
You may be able to stop the anxiety with changes to your habits and your mindset. Some people handle this on their own, while others benefit from the help of a therapist.
Is FOMO good or bad?
It doesn’t necessarily have to be either. But it can become a bad thing if it leads to negative effects on your mental and physical health.
How rare is FOMO?
It’s actually pretty common, especially among young adults. One study found that 3 in 4 young adults report struggling with FOMO.
Is FOMO a symptom of OCD?
FOMO all by itself isn’t a known symptom of obsessive compulsive disorder, but research does find a connection between the two. In one large study, people with OCD were more likely to experience FOMO and more likely to be compulsive users of social media.
