Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own and other’s emotions. People who are high in EI tend to have more satisfying personal and professional relationships, as well as greater levels of psychological well-being.
Also known as emotional quotient (EQ), researchers have studied EI for decades. Many companies want their employees, especially executive leadership, to have high EQ. Some universities even offer courses on how to improve emotional intelligence.
Here’s a breakdown of the basics of emotional intelligence.
Components of Emotional Intelligence
Emotions are a mix of things that influence your behavior: thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations.
Emotional intelligence is a set of skills that help you use all that mind-body information to achieve your goals, whether the aim is to:
- Manage stress or anxiety
- Have supportive relationships
- Be a good parent
- Perform better at work or school
The core parts to emotional intelligence include the following:
Self-awareness. You can be self-aware about lots of things, like if you’re cold or hot right now. But emotional intelligence is specifically being aware of your emotions, what behaviors those feelings trigger, and how your actions may affect other people.
Self-regulation. You stop to think about what to do with your feelings instead of letting your emotions control your behavior.
Self-motivation. Your emotions don’t distract from your short or long-term goals, even if you’re stressed or face other challenges that might pull your attention elsewhere.
Social skills. You can pick up on other people’s emotions and change your behavior appropriately to address how they’re feeling or acting. You can inspire others, nudge people toward a common goal, and maintain strong relationships.
Social awareness. A big part of social awareness is empathy, or when you can understand or relate to what someone else is feeling. Social awareness also involves doing something with your empathy to make someone’s situation better or to help them achieve their goals.
Why Is Emotional Intelligence Important?
Researchers have found that emotional intelligence is associated with better mental and physical health and predicts success in many areas of life.
Here are some of the main areas:
Emotional intelligence and relationships. People who have good social skills and know how to recognize and regulate their emotions are better able to avoid or manage relationship issues, whether those problems pop up with a romantic partner, child, friend, family, or co-worker.
Emotional intelligence is also associated with:
- More satisfying and higher quality in romantic relationships
- More positive social interactions
- Less anxiety and feelings of loneliness
Emotional intelligence at school. Emotions play a big role in how kids learn and interact with their teachers or peers.
In children and young adults, students with emotional intelligence are more likely to have:
- Higher well-being and self-esteem
- Lower academic stress
- Better grades
- Less anxiety and depression
- More friends
When schools teach kids emotional intelligence, there’s often less bullying behavior among peers.
Emotional intelligence at work. You may have better work-related outcomes when you’re not distracted by your emotions and/or you know how and when to support the emotional needs of your team.
Other benefits of emotional intelligence in the workplace may include:
- More creativity, motivation, and less stress
- Higher job satisfaction and fewer people quitting
- Less burnout
- More cooperation and less conflict among coworkers
- Improved leadership skills
Emotional intelligence may also boost your resilience and response to criticism. By staying calm and positive in the face of negative feedback, you may build stronger relationships with your boss or colleagues and not give up as easily on a task because you’re frustrated.
How to Measure Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is a psychological concept. You can’t measure it with regular medical or IQ tests. But EI experts have come up with a few different ways to evaluate your emotional quotient (EQ), including:
Mixed or trait models. This approach looks at emotional intelligence like a personality trait. Tests are usually questionnaires or self-reports that ask you to rate your strengths and weaknesses in certain social, emotional, or work-related aspects.
Ability or skill-based models. These tests measure emotional intelligence by asking you to solve emotional problems, such as explaining how you’d respond to stress or an upset friend.
External assessment. This approach involves asking other people to give their opinion about your emotional and social skills.
Here are some names of emotional intelligence tests and questionnaires that researchers use:
- Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Tests (MSCEIT)
- Self-report Emotional Intelligence Test (SREIT)
- Trait Emotional Intelligence Questionnaire (TEIQue)
- Bar-On Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i)
Emotional intelligence tests
There isn’t one specific emotional intelligence test that everyone uses. But if someone wants to measure your EI (like your boss or future employer), they might ask you to:
- Look at a series of faces and write down their emotions
- Predict how people might react in an emotional situation
- Solve emotional problems
An emotional situation might include how you think an anxious employee might handle extra work. An emotional problem might be to figure out the right way to respond to a friend who calls you after they’ve lost their job.
Emotional intelligence self-assessment
Self-report tests have you answer a series of questions about yourself and your relationships. They might be yes or no, agree or disagree, multiple choice, or a ranking on a scale from 1 to 5.
Here are some example questions:
- Can you understand your emotions as they happen?
- Do you recognize the impact your behavior has on others?
- Can you recognize other people’s feelings?
- Can you accurately pick up on the mood in the room?
- Do you handle stress well?
- Can you tolerate frustration without getting upset?
Other questions may include:
- I know when I am happy.
- When I feel anxious, I usually can account for the reason(s).
- I always meet my deadlines.
- I always know when I’m being unreasonable.
- I generally build solid relationships with those I work with.
There are many emotional intelligence tests online. Some emotional intelligence centers offer in-person assessments. Look for reliable resources through trusted groups such as academic centers and universities.
Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence
Do you ever find yourself confused about why people have the feelings they say they’re having? Do you have trouble putting words to your own feelings? Do you struggle to express your emotions to other people? Do you get upset or overwhelmed easily?
If you answer yes to any of the above, you might have low EI. While it’s important to focus on the overall pattern you see in yourself rather than any isolated event, here are some other signs you may lack emotional intelligence:
Difficulty reading people. You might not be able to spot emotions in other people. For example, you might not know when your romantic partner is upset with you or sense when someone is stressed or sad.
Misreading or not picking up on the someone’s emotions can lead to problems, such as:
- You worry that someone is mad at you when they’re not.
- You don’t react appropriately to someone’s emotional state.
- You don’t make amends with a friend or partner because you can’t tell they’re upset.
- You don’t offer kind words or support to a friend or loved one in need.
Difficulty identifying emotions. A key part of emotional intelligence involves being able to recognize emotions. But if you have low EI, you may not be sure what you or other people feel most of the time.
If you can’t make sense of emotions, you may act in unproductive ways. You might:
- Be passive-aggressive with a co-worker because you don’t know you’re mad at them.
- Take your stress and anxiety out on your loved ones.
- Have trouble pinpointing why you’re irritated with a friend.
- Be confused why a character in a movie seems sad.
- Not understand why your partner feels a certain way.
You may even think people shouldn’t feel the way they do. For example, you may tell loved ones that they shouldn’t be upset or have no reason to be sad. This lack of understanding can lead to conflict.
Difficulty controlling emotions. Emotional intelligence is more than just knowing and understanding what you feel. It also involves being able to manage your emotional state.
If you can’t control your emotions very well, you may:
- Lose your temper easily.
- Not be able to recover easily after you get upset.
- Stay mad at loved ones even after you’ve worked through the issue with them.
- Do or say something you regret.
Emotions get in the way. If you’re low in emotional intelligence, you may get overwhelmed easily. You may notice that your emotions take over more often in difficult or stressful situations. When that happens, you may not be able to solve problems very well.
You may:
- Have difficulty working through conflict with your partner or in other relationships.
- Not be able to focus on your work, which can affect your job performance.
- Have trouble paying attention at school or doing well on tests.
Lack of empathy. You may know that relating to other people’s emotions isn’t your strong suit, or maybe people have told you that you’re not empathetic. They might even label you a narcissist if you often can’t see things from other people’s perspective.
No matter how you find out that you lack empathy, take it as a big red flag that you need to work on your emotional intelligence skills.
Difficulty in relationships. You may lack emotional intelligence if:
- You’ve had a series of romantic attachments that didn’t end well.
- You and your current partner have a lot of arguments or misunderstandings.
- You’ve had a lot of friend breakups
- You’ve had more than one difficult relationship.
- Your work relationships are often strained.
While there are many things that can lead to the kinds of difficulties listed above, consistent problems across many relationships could be a sign that you need to improve your emotional intelligence skills.
How to Improve Emotional Intelligence
Some people are naturally high in emotional intelligence. But if you’re not, the good news is you can learn the skills and behaviors needed to strengthen your EI. You’ll want to practice the following:
Recognizing emotions. For the self-awareness part, check in with how you feel on a regular basis. See if you can spot any patterns. For example, how do you feel around certain people at work? What are your emotions when you get home at the end of the day?
Emotional expression may include changes to:
- Facial expressions
- Body language
- Tone of voice
When it comes to pinpointing emotions in other people, pay close attention to the signs listed above. These outward changes can clue you into what they might be feeling even if they don’t tell you.
Understanding emotions. It’s important to figure out the cause and consequences of your feelings. Do you know where they came from? Was it something you or someone else said? A memory or stress? How did your feelings affect your behavior?
You’ll also want to label your emotions accurately. Be precise with your word choice. For example:
- If you’re angry: Are you Irritated? Annoyed? Enraged?
- If you feel sad: Are you depressed? Lonely? Bored?
- If you feel happy: Are you content? Elated? Ecstatic?
After you name your emotion, you might want to rate how strong your feeling is on a scale of 1-10. Keep track of when the emotion comes and goes and what situations trigger different feelings.
The free How Do I Feel app lets you keep an ongoing journal about your feelings. You can also use it to find more words to describe your emotions and get tips on how to understand and regulate them.
Regulating your emotions. There are no good and bad feelings, but there are healthy and unhealthy ways to express emotions. The strategies you use may be different depending on what you’re feeling, the social situation you’re in, or your culture.
Here are some tips to help regulate and express your emotions,
- Let feelings come and go without judgment.
- Take a few deep breaths.
- Exercise or go for a walk outside.
- Visualize yourself in a calm place.
- Try meditation.
- If you’re tired, take a nap.
- If you’re hungry, eat some food.
Step away from a conflict, such as an argument with your child, until you feel calm.
Cultivating empathy and compassion. Try to put yourself in other people’s shoes. Think about how they feel and what’s the right way to offer support.
Here are some steps you can take to increase empathy if it doesn’t come naturally to you:
Read fiction. Some studies show you may get better at empathy if you read stories with many characters. This can help you practice seeing things from other points of view.
Imagine you are someone else. Think about one of your difficult relationships. Ask yourself what stressors might cause them to act the way they do. How would you want someone to treat you if you faced the same challenges?
Have a growth mindset. This means you’re open to the idea that you can improve your empathy skills and you actively try to empathize with others.
Practicing active listening. Pay close attention to what someone says when they speak to you.
- Put away distractions (like your phone).
- Ask questions.
- Nod along.
- Don’t try to fix their problem if they don’t ask you to.
You can also sum up and repeat back what they’re talking about to let them know you’re engaged.
Communicating clearly. Talk to your co-workers, friends, or family about your emotional intelligence skills. You may not have the best gauge of how well you handle your emotions if you’re low in EI.
Ask questions such as:
- Do you think I respond well in difficult situations?
- Do I seem flexible?
- Am I empathetic?
- How well do you think I handle conflict?
Be open to their feedback and willing to address their concerns in a productive way, even if you don’t like or agree with what they have to say.
Staying positive. Studies show people who have a more optimistic outlook tend to have better health and well-being. A positive mindset may also help you see the bright side even when you’re in a negative mental state (like when you’re angry or anxious).
If you do get into a negative emotion state, try positive self-talk. Give yourself a pep talk in the third person, like you’re talking to a friend. You may gain more control over your emotions if you distance yourself from them.
Emotional Intelligence Takeaways
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize, understand, and use emotions wisely. People who are high in emotional intelligence can effectively communicate, solve problems, and show empathy.
High EI may boost your health and well-being and lead to better relationships and work outcomes. Kids who learn emotional intelligence may perform better in school and get along more easily with their peers.
You can practice skills to improve your emotional intelligence, including self-awareness, self-regulation, social skills, and social awareness.
Emotional Intelligence FAQs
What are five ways to manage emotions?
Learn how to recognize and describe your emotions without judging them. Understand the purpose of your emotions and how they affect your behavior. Take a moment to pause before you say or do anything. Go for a walk. Write about your emotions.
What are the five aspects of emotional intelligence?
The key components of emotional intelligence involve self-awareness of emotions, the ability to manage your emotions, awareness and empathy of the emotions of others, social skills, and self-motivation.
What are five positive ways to deal with emotions?
Take a few deep breaths, go for a walk outside, meditate, exercise, or ask someone you trust how to manage your feelings.
What are the four basic skills of emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence skills include self-awareness (recognizing your emotions), self-regulation (being able to choose what you do with your feelings), social skills (sometimes called relationship management), and social awareness (which includes empathy).
How do you know someone is emotionally intelligent?
People who have high emotional intelligence tend to know why they feel a certain way and how those emotions affect their actions. They usually stay calm in stressful situations, are good at teamwork, and can handle big emotions in other people.
How to tell if someone lacks emotional intelligence?
People who are low in emotional intelligence may not be able to tell you why they feel a certain way or understand where you’re coming from. You may notice that they’re quick to anger and get overwhelmed easily by their emotions.
Why do some people lack emotional intelligence?
There’s no single reason why some people lack emotional intelligence. But some studies show low emotional intelligence is associated with other mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and substance use disorders.
What is a high-EQ person?
This refers to someone with a high emotional quotient (EQ), also called emotional intelligence (EI). People who have a high EQ (or EI) are good at recognizing and managing their own emotions and those in others. They tend to have empathy, social skills, and self-motivation.
